A couple weeks ago, my sister and brother-in-law held their fifth Fall Bash. They provide the band and the venue and a grill. Attendees bring their own food, drinks and chairs.
On the Dance Floor
Ignoring thoughts
People come and go as they please. They sit inside the Quonset hut, listen to the band, and watch the dancing. They sit outside in the dark and talk in small groups. This year, they even added playing euchre to the list of activities. They flit amongst the variety of groups and do all the above.
I take a few photos to mark the occasion and then I dance the night away. I am sometimes the only person on the dance floor. I view this party as my personal time to ignore all thoughts so that I can move and groove to the music. This is basically the only time during the year that I get to dance with abandon, and I soak up every minute of it that I can.
Over the Years
Leaving the bash
A year ago, one woman came up to me just before she left the bash and said, “I love you.” I was a bit taken aback because I didn’t think I knew her well enough for love. However, she went on to explain that she wished she would have been able to join me on the dance floor, but she wasn’t confident enough to do so.
Then, I understood those words of love. I was she a few years ago. I’m not really sure how many. Some transitions are so slow you don’t make note of when the change occurs because you don’t really know until much later that a change did occur.
With Abandon
Wishing
I can see now that a change happened. I no longer think about who’s watching, if anyone is watching. I listen to the music and let go of everything. But a few years ago, you would not have found me dancing with abandon.
You would have seen me on the edge of the dance floor watching, wishing I could join those in movement. I used to sit in envy as others did the dancing. I was scared of not dancing well, of being judged, of looking stupid.
It’s possible that all of those things are true now when I take the dance floor. The difference is that I don’t care. I want to enjoy dancing and so I let myself do so no matter what others see or don’t see. I never expected to be the one others envied while I did the dancing, but apparently that is so – at least for one person.
For a Silent Promise
Looking
Life has always been funny like that for me. I don’t expect things to happen and yet they do. Things sneak up on me. Transitions are slow and subtle. I learn and grow. I dance with abandon.
As this most recent Fall Bash approached, I had hoped that that woman would attend. I had promised myself that if she were there, I would invite her to join me on the dance floor. I wanted to share my joy. She didn’t come this year though, so I could not fulfill my silent promise to her. Maybe I’ll get to do so next year ...
Sending you the ability to do whatever you love to do with abandonment,
Angela Jane