Sonja, a friend and co-worker, gave me this multi-media painting for my birthday. The cotton-candy colored sky reminds me of pleasant dreams that are possible while the textured, green grass amazes me and grounds me into reality – a reality that requires telling the truth. Sometimes, my truth is difficult to face and embrace, yet I cannot hide from it, I cannot run from it, and I cannot be afraid of it any longer. It is time to bring my dreams and my truth together, to share them in complete vulnerability.
That matters
Becoming
I recently attended an online workshop called Flying Lessons, based on Jason Kotecki’s book The Penguin Who Flew. Jason and Kim, the married duo who fight Adultitis on a daily basis, led the dream big workshop. They shared tips about how to make dreams come true, including “don’t be realistic” and “dream bigger than yourself.”
At one point, Jason said that it is the person you become while on the journey to your dream’s fulfillment that matters more than achieving the dream itself. These words coalesced with the words I held on to during The 30 Day Wake Up Challenge, an online course taught by Adyashanti that I took in December. I grabbed on to three things during that challenge – the first being “tell the truth.”
With myself
Honest
While telling the truth does mean being honest in my outer world, it is my goal to focus more on my inner world and my being genuine, authentic, to and with the reasons I was born in the here and now. In order for me to be real, I need to claim what I am here to do; I need to honestly live the dream or purpose given to me.
This realization came home to me when Jason said to dream bigger than myself ... because this dream that I was born with is definitely bigger than I am and I have refused to fully embrace it. It scares me on so many levels and I do not understand how, or believe that, I am worthy of it or enough for it. I started to have a clear understanding of this dream about six years ago.
I can remember the exact moment that I first started actually denying it – afraid to say to anyone what was downloaded into my brain without any effort on my own part. At that moment about six years ago, the online conference I was attending in my office at work had nothing to do with dreams. I do not even remember the topic of the break-out session I was attending. I only remember hearing the speaker say that as soon as the Dalai Lama’s brother stepped on to campus, everyone could feel the brother’s presence. They knew he had arrived.
On this journey
Blind
From there I began to openly (to myself) deny and avoid this bigger-than-myself dream. I fought it with thoughts like “who am I to offer and be such a presence?” and “how could I possibly learn to do that?” and “why me? I don’t want to do this.”
But even in denial and avoidance, I took steps to learn about being present. I took Eckhart Tolle’s “Becoming a Teacher of Presence” online course; I took two Reiki classes and am now certified to offer in-person and distant Reiki sessions; I have read lots of books that offered innumerable practices on meditation and spiritual awakening; and I have actually meditated and practiced and meditated and practiced.
I cannot measure how many steps I have taken toward achieving this latent dream. I cannot measure how many more I have to take. In no way can I tell if I am making progress because I cannot see my own presence. I cannot tell if it affects anyone else. I am blind in this journey that is seemingly impossible on more than one level.
In green grass
Grounded
I struggle with this dream of a cotton-candy sky with clouds that are sweet, yet uncatchable. How do I reach them when I also must stay grounded with my feet in the lovely green grass? How do I see and be simultaneously?
I’m still on this dream’s journey learning how not to be realistic and yet be truthful, how to dream bigger than myself and yet stay present in this moment. I still am dreaming and am now telling the truth that lies within me.
May your dreams be unrealistic and bigger than yourself,
Angela Jane