You might be surprised to know that, as I sit down to write this, I don’t readily have the answer(s) to the question contained herein. Instead, I think to myself, What will I uncover as I write?
Dramatic acts
Hemming and Hawing
I recently heard Valarie Kaur, Revolutionary Love Project founder, ask the question, “When did an act of love change everything?” I stopped. I hemmed. I hawed. How could I not have an immediate answer to this question? I have been surrounded by, been blessed with, received, experienced, and shared love my whole life. How could I not have an example of when love changed everything?
I’m not sure how other people answer this question, but I imagine big, dramatic acts like those emergency responders who entered the Twin Towers to save lives, like strangers who jump into a lake to release children trapped in a car, like social activists who chain themselves to monuments to bring attention to those who have always been easily cast aside or, worse, unjustly imprisoned or murdered.
Multiple acts
Pondering and Struggling
And then there’s me – no dramatic act that I can think of. No nondramatic act that I can think of.
And then, I reread the question I have written down and think, Is this act one I have been on the receiving end of? Or, is this act one I have performed?
And I still don’t have an answer. And I ask again – How do I not know this? I stop. I ponder. I struggle. I let the question percolate in my subconscious for days and weeks. Still nothing ...
I have a few minutes to sit while I await my sister’s arrival to pick up the air mattress we bought together so that we’d have an extra bed when either she or I have extra company. Sometimes, I’m storing the mattress in my house and sometimes, she has it. That night, I have it, but she needs it, so I wait with nothing to do. I think, Well, maybe if I start a list of acts of love, I’ll come up with a big one or even a not-so-big one.
I keep thinking that there should be multiple acts of love in my life that changed everything and I cannot think of even one.
Incomplete acts
Supporting Details
When I am stuck, I metaphorically stand on my head to gain a different perspective. The change in point of view brings to light not only the dust bunnies underneath the bed, but also solutions that I couldn’t see by standing upright. The first problem is figuring out how to stand on my head in the current situation. Where is that different viewpoint with acts of love changing everything?
Last week, I was helping my mentee with her homework. She was not interpreting one of the questions the same way I was. I tried a couple explanations, but we still were not on the same page. Eventually she said she’d just do what I said because she had more faith in me than she did in herself. As she worked through the answer out loud, it occurred to me what I needed to say: “What you have written so far is good, but it’s not complete. You need more details in this area.”
At that moment, I saw what I had been missing in my quest to answer the act of love question posed so long ago. Sometimes, what we need is in the supporting details.
Transformative acts
Deciding Factors
More than four years ago, my decision to become a Foster Progress mentor focused on the program’s goal of helping a youth who had been/was in foster care become ready for college while they were still in high school and then see them through, at a minimum, the first year of college. In reality, the mentoring involved so much more than college knowledge.
About a year ago, my mentee and I had a check-in meeting with Foster Progress staff. Their summary of that meeting included my mentee sharing that my mentorship was “transformative, assisting her in emotional regulation, time management, financial planning, and overall well-being.” None of that directly related to the program’s goal of getting my mentee to college and through college, yet it was all of that that gave my mentee the space and faith in herself she needed to return to college successfully.
Loving acts
Committing for Life
I had been looking for an act of love, and perhaps in the broadest sense of “an act” this was what I had been seeking. This particular act of love took days, months, and even years to perform.
Perhaps, in this case, and many others, an act can be interpreted in a theatrical sense where acts are divided into many different scenes that all add up to the whole of it. Perhaps, I was being too literal in my interpretation of the question and, therefore, coming up with an incomplete answer just as my mentee had during her homework assignment.
At the end of that Foster Progress check-in call, my mentee said, “It’s me and you, Angela, for life!”
And all of this discovery gets me to thinking about what act of love did I experience in order for me to share what I have shared with my mentee ...
Sending you wishes for acts of love that change everything,
Angela Jane