If I am very tired and very hungry, I sometimes cry when I try to order a meal at a restaurant. Whether I cry or not all depends on the amount of caring and care the server has to give to me as I place my order.
A Pan Drops
Can you imagine the clatter?
Mom is in the kitchen of our house on Miles Court. The first house that lives in my memory although it is not the first house I ever lived in. From where I sit on the blue-flowered, 10-foot sofa, the large living room is separated from the kitchen only by a hallway.
If I turn my head to the right, I can see the avocado-colored oven situated at the back of the kitchen, which is on the back side of the ranch-style house. If I choose to look by turning my head, I can see my mom putting dishes away. I am not looking, however, when she accidentally drops a pan into the oven’s bottom drawer full of other pots and pans.
Can you imagine the clatter that makes? I don’t startle, don’t move nary a muscle, as I don’t hear that loud rattle. My siblings do, though, and come running down the long hallway from their bedrooms. I sense their movements and turn to see what the commotion is about.
Willfully Shutting Them Out
Who wants to go to Dairy Queen?
At this point, I have been sick all of my life – literally, from the moment I have been born. I have horrible earaches among other symptoms which include intermittent hearing loss. My parents have taken me to doctors and although the doctors have not figured out what I am suffering from, my parents have not given up on me.
I have had my tonsils removed. I have had hearing tests – raise your hand when you hear a tone in the headset. I have had tubes put in my ears – stand this way in the shower so water doesn’t flow into your ears. Finally, the doctors do give up and tell my parents that I am willfully shutting them out. They know differently and, ironically, invent the DQ test to prove themselves right.
I am sitting on the living room floor. They deliberately stand behind me having a conversation, of which I am unaware. Thinking no child will intentionally shut out this opportunity they are about to offer, my parents ask, “Who wants to go to Dairy Queen for ice cream?”
My siblings come running down the hallway screaming, “We do! We do!” as I sit there oblivious to the treats that await us. My parents have proven yet again to themselves that I am NOT shutting them out.
And then later in my life, there is the drop-the-pan-in-the-oven-drawer incident, which proves without a doubt that I am not shutting them out. No one could choose to not react to that type of unexpected noise.
We Find an Allergist
Who knew what was wrong?
I continue to be sick and struggle with my hearing until one miraculous day when I am 8 years old, we find an allergist in Peoria for my brother and me. My brother is allergic to dust, grass, dogs and all those mundane things in all the mundane ways. They discover these allergies with a patchwork of skin tests. I, on the other hand, do not have those allergies with those symptoms and am not tested like he is.
The doctor looks my mother in the eye and says, “She’s allergic to milk. Remove all dairy from her diet. If she’s not better within 72 hours, I will pay the costs to find out what she is suffering from.” I have no idea how we found this particular doctor, but he was the one we needed. He provided the miraculous news that opened up a new world for me.
My mother had to read labels carefully, for this was before laws that required labels to clearly state allergens contained within. We ordered pizza without cheese for me because vegan cheese was not readily available when I was a child. I ate cereal without milk because all the varieties of nondairy milk available now also were not available back in the day.
Living Dairy-free
What came of it all?
Those early years of intermittent hearing loss formed me into a quiet, painfully shy girl who was afraid of almost everything but most certainly life’s best childhood adventures.
On the other hand, those years also formed me into an avid reader, a live-in-my-head, creative person and a strong, resilient and brave woman who now realizes she can say “yes” to life’s adventures and can embrace both living alone and socializing with family and friends without fear.
I never outgrew my dairy allergy. Today, I enjoy pizza with vegan cheese and cereal with almond milk. Dairy Queen now offers a dairy-free dilly bar, and I enjoy nondairy frozen desserts made with oat milk or almond milk. I can usually very quickly find on food labels whether dairy is one of the ingredients, and I get really excited when I find, or when someone gives me, chocolate that is dairy-free.
If you happen to be talking to me and I don't hear what you are saying, you might want to ask if I have eaten any dairy that day (smile).
Sending you the love, fearlessness, and miracles you need,
Angela Jane