By avoiding death, I feel dead. However, by choosing death, I feel alive. Death brings growth and opportunity.
Choices
Good and Bad
Our lives are filled with paradoxes. Seemingly good choices can have hard-to-live-with consequences while seemingly bad choices can have beautiful, life-affirming results.
For example, according to the majority of society, my deciding to live my life without birthing or adopting children is a bad choice. I should have been a parent, society tells me in many subtle and not-so-subtle ways. However, that “bad” choice has allowed me to live peacefully and with lots of energy to shine my light on a broader scale. My choosing a seemingly selfish act has actually allowed me to be self-less in ways I would never have achieved if I were raising a family.
Faster option
Alive and Well
Without a nuclear family to consider this summer, I have been able to go to Ohio and North Carolina on separate trips to spend time with my siblings and their families. I also will be heading back to Ohio to spend time with friends from my high school days. These vacation options are all good choices. However, on my way to North Carolina, I chose to accept my GPS’s recommendation for a faster route – in the moment, “faster” seemed like a good option. It was not.
My car Pippi got pushed out of her lane, across a cement median, and into two other vehicles. The truck driver that did the pushing with their semi-trailer did not stick around to talk to police. The two other drivers and I were sole occupants of our vehicles and we were not hurt. Pippi, however, is in Indianapolis on a several-week retreat receiving an $8,000 make-over. She’s going to be better than before when I pick her up later this month.
My plan's death
Annoyed and Grateful
While I did cry on the phone with my sister (several times) and with several insurance representatives, I also discovered some lovely, caring people who offered support to a stranger in distress. I am grateful for auto insurance, family, friends, and compassionate strangers. I appreciate that no one was hurt. I am thankful I was able to resume my trip with a rental car, a Mirage from Louisiana.
Accepting the rental car’s limitations (compared to Pippi’s “luxuries”) has been challenging while at the same time I realize that having any car that runs is a luxury in itself. The death of my plan to arrive safely at my destinations without obstacles and delays allowed me to live more fully in appreciation of all that I did on vacation.
Adventures
Big and Small
I spent tons of time with my brother playing cribbage and with his family playing other card games. I hung out with their dogs and I was introduced to the Ted Lasso show. We also ate delicious meals cooked by my sister-in-law. On my way down, I visited a friend in Tennessee, and shortly after I left my brother’s, I visited another friend and his wife in Chapel Hill. I appreciated so much more the chill vibe of this vacation because of the bang with which it began.
I have now renewed my vow to say “yes” to experiences that are uncomfortable because I am not familiar with them. I rather say “yes” to death – face my fears – than say “no” and live with the regrets of what might have been.
While the Louisiana Mirage did not provide me with my most favorite driving experiences and I was not all that sad to say good-bye to her, I am still most appreciative that she did give me the opportunity to continue on my vacation and that she was an absolute beast on the one-long-day journey home.
For me, living life should not be like a small, grey, non-descript Mirage, but more like a bright Technicolor dream saturated in yeses to opportunities that bring breathing to life and life to adventures big and small.
Sending you hugs and love,
Angela Jane