As I wait in the darkened theater for the next scene to be set, I think about how many times I have done this for the past 10 years. I think to myself that a decade is enough and that it’s time for me to move on.
Before it's never taken
On Hold
I have this beautiful brain that looks at everything in the following way: If I had my camera in my hands, how would I shoot this scene? What angle would I choose? Where is the light? Where are the shadows? How close can I get? Does the subject care? How cool would that be in monochrome?
As I drive along the highway, I am snapping photos as I go – of course, not literally, only in my mind.
Back at the theatre, I am excited about the shot coming up. It’s one of my favorite scenes from the play, and I am hoping I can catch the full flavor of it, but we are holding and I am not shooting. The actors on stage and I don’t know why we’re in a holding pattern, but when we ask we a get a terse, “You are holding.”
In one heartbeat
Perfect Opportunity
We roll our eyes at one another, and they start goofing off. I shoot those photos because the camera, after all, is in my hands. Eventually, the powers-that-be terminate that night’s photo call. We’re done.
I don’t get to shoot my favorite scene. I don’t get to come back and try again because it is over. Really. It's over. The production’s last scheduled performance was that night, so some of the actors are going home the next day. I leave the theatre disappointed about not getting to finish what we started.
In reflecting on that experience, I remember other photos that never were captured
~ because I wasn’t quick enough
~ because I didn’t have the camera turned on
~ because I didn’t even have the camera with me
~ because my phone battery was about to die
~ because the equipment malfunctioned
~ because, because, because …
the list goes on and on and on.
The perfect opportunity for the perfect shot disappears in one simple heartbeat. I look at all the photos I have taken of leaves and think to myself “enough with the leaves already.”
Except …
Except now
In a Hurry
Except the leaf laying before me in this moment has never been before – not on this day in this lighting in that pose in this exact moment.
Snap. Click.
Yes, I did just take yet another photo of another oak leaf. Apparently, it is what I am meant to do. Will I take yet another leaf photo, yet another flower photo, yet another tree photo? I think I must do so or it becomes another one of those photos not taken.
I’m in a hurry on this walk because I have many more things to do. “No time for photos today,” I tell myself. And then my soul sings, “Today, you do have time to take that photo. That work will wait for you. This moment, however, will not.”
So, 95% of the time, I do stop to take the photos that call my name – after all, no one has a perfect record.
Being right
On My Route
A little more than a week ago, I was walking on my regular route, thinking about all the things I “needed” to do and was in a no-stopping-for-photos mode.
When I’m in leisure walk mode, I often stop at trees and put my hand on the trunk or a leaf – just to ground myself and to say thank you. I noticed on this particular walk about a week ago that a red band had been put on the branch of one of my favorite stopping trees.
Oh dear. She’s not going to be around much longer, I predicted, so I stopped and took this photo knowing it would be the last time I saw her on one of my walks.
As it turns out, I was right. I never saw her again. It’s at times like these that I don’t always like being right.
Fear or complacency
Capture Them
This is the spot where she used to stand tall, deeply rooted into Mother Earth.
And now I know … I know all those photos I missed taking because I wasn’t prepared or because I was “too busy” are gentle reminders to live this life in this moment and to answer the calls that are addressed to my soul and me.
If my mother stood before me today, she would say, “Don’t let fear or complacency stand in your way. Breathe it all in. Exhale out all that is not yours and do what you may.”
After a decade of taking theatre photos, I’m wondering if it is fear or complacency holding me in this spot where I do not get to take the photos that I dream of.
Sending you wishes for taking the time to capture all of life’s moments no matter how busy you think you are,
Angela Jane